On being blind...

They say 'love is blind'. I'm not currently in love nor have I been for some time, but I do recognize this longing in my life. It's something I've struggled with and from time-to-time share (somewhat) openly on these pages.

As I noted in my last post, last weekend was not fun. I can think of only a handful of times in my life where I've put myself out there as openly as I did only to have the situation deteriorate as quickly as it first arose. I realize I'm speaking in very broad terms here for those who are unfamiliar with the situation, but the pain is still too near to share in detail.

Last weekend I heard a sermon on 1 Corinthians 7: 17-24. Coupled with Philippians 4:12, a strong case could be made for remaining where you are in life (1 Cor 7) and learning to be content within those circumstances (Phil 4:12). Let me be clear, this was not the message of the sermon I heard, the pastor was not saying to pass on opportunities presented to us, but these verses have been on my mind.

I am anything but content with my situation in life, my singleness if you will, but I seem unable to change my circumstances or my desires no matter how many prayers I say or how hard I try. I'm in a rut. I would very much like to meet someone I could spend the rest of my life with, but if that's not God's wish for my life...fine. Seriously! I would be ok with that, I just ask that the weight of my heart be lifted (...and I have prayed for that).

I have begun to look to my ongoing struggle as a lack of faith. After all, if I was truly focused on Jesus, wouldn't I be able to ignore this desire and focus on more heavenly things? I go back and forth on whether or not this is an earthly desire, much like praying for a job promotion or new car. Relationships are such an accepted part of life, why must some of us struggle with them, or lack there of, as we do? This is my cross; my life has become my idol.

I am well aware that I am attracted to the wrong women in my life. I have prayed about this for some time and asked God to change my eyes so that I can see more clearly what He sees. Unfortunately, I feel as if I have reached a point where I have run out of prayers. My heart is heavy and I know not what to do.

Misconceived perceptions...

Every once in a while I take a nap and awake to a sense of not only rest, but peace. I especially like this when I can almost taste it, as if I've been treated to a great feast, my soul replenished, and the bliss of the meal lingers within.

This past weekend was one of the roughest I've had in recent memory. It had all the makings of a memorable get away only to be wasted on misconceived perceptions of one's intentions.

Montana State is having one of those years in football and I've been more than happy to follow along as we have won game after game. Last week in fact, for the first time since 1984, the Bobcats were ranked #1 in the nation. As with every fall, the season concludes with the annual Brawl of the Wild!--the clash between the two Big Sky heavyweights: Montana and Montana State.

For my birthday this year, my sister purchased an online dating membership for me. I've attempted online dating before with little if any success, but was open to giving it a second go. Back in September it led to a couple of dates with a young lawyer in Denver. Not much in the way of sparks, but I was thankful for the opportunity nonetheless.

More recently I've been in touch with a young veterinarian who serendipitously lives in my ol' college town of Bozeman. She is a woman of faith, interested in traveling internationally, and...single!

This past weekend I decided to take a chance and make the trip up to Montana for the game and to meet this young lass from England. The timing couldn't have been more perfect as I was hesitant to open up more to this young lady without meeting her first. How little did I know at the time that I was embarking on an adventure that will leave me with questions and scratching my head for years to come.

The story here is a long one. One I would surely leave out important details of if I attempted to summarize. On my return trip, I had planned to spend an evening in Billings with one of my best friends from college, but decided to drive some 8 hours through the night and process what had taken place arriving home at 2 in the morning. I was as frustrated and confused as I have rarely been ever before in my life after an encounter such as this. I really don't understand or know what to make of our meeting.

But, after some hard soul-searching last night, today I find myself thankful. Thankful for the sense of peace that lingers within.

Return of the Bobcat...

Topophilia is a term used in geography to describe the 'love of place'. If one really thinks about it, there usually aren't that many places that a person is really deeply attached to. It takes something really special to develop a 'love'. For myself, there have been a handful of places I have lived where I was able to cherish the experience of being there at the time I was there--I developed a sense of topophilia for that place. One of those places is Bozeman, Montana.

For some reason that still eludes me, when I was in high school I wanted to attend Montana State University. There were a number of schools I had looked into, but this particular school stood out. Somewhat serendipitously, I eventually made my was to Big Sky country and found Montana State to be everything I had dreamed of and more.

This coming weekend I will be making my return to the area for the first time in more than 10 years. I really am looking forward to it! The obvious question that comes with such a return is, why now?

I have two reasons for my return this weekend:

MONTANA STATE IS #1!!!...Unlike traditional powerhouses such as K-State and Nebraska (that's for you, Deer Slayer!), Montana State is ruling it's division of football! This past weekend they became the number one ranked team in D-IAA (technically, "FCS", but no one uses that term) and this weekend is the Brawl of the Wild! The traditional end of the season showdown between MSU and UM (who is currently ranked #7).

Might end up at the game, might not. Will definitely be watching it!

A YOUNG LASS...There is a young lady I will be meeting for the very first time this coming weekend. The plan is to meet up shortly after the game (she has to work) and then hang out a bit. I plan to attend church with her Sunday morning before returning home to Colorado. Not sure what to expect, but I am hopeful.

It has taken several years to return to the land of the Bobcats, and I'm hoping the coming weekend will be worth the wait (I'll be sure to let you know!).

Death of a Conference...

Mizzou has made it official.

I'm not sure when to say college athletics changed for the worse. The Big 10 added an 11th member in 1990 and the SEC went from 10 schools to 12 in 1991. Are those conferences to blame? Or does one look at the most recent raiding of the Big 12 and Big East? The ACC, Big 10, SEC, and Pac 10 all benefitted from this.

Conference realignments over the past year have made 3 things clear to me:

THE ERA OF FOUR...Four conferences are calling the shots: ACC, SEC, Big 10, Pac-10 (now Pac-12). If one is not a current member of these conferences, the hope is to become one so that your future is secure and your college athletics matter.

FOOTBALL RULES!...If this were not the case, conferences would have been fighting over KU left and right. As it is, KU was largely an afterthought to all playing this game.

GEOGRAPHY DOESN'T MATTER...A school's history, rivalries, and academic standing matter little when it comes to conference considerations.

I realize I'm largely repeating what I've already written about, but this really does frustrate me.

When I graduated from K-State in 2007, I was proud that I had not only earned a degree from a quality institution, but that I had been connected to a conference, the Big 12, that made sense.

What I mean by that last statement is this: the conference, as new as it was (1996), created good, solid rivalries with institutions that shared similar academic standards and geographies--both physical and cultural. Yes, CU is a good cultural fit for the Pac-10. Yes, I will always question why Iowa State is part of this conference rather than the Big 10. And yes, OSU is a step below the rest academically. But it still made sense. Rivalries were long standing between many of the members and fans could easily travel to other venues to watch their teams.

How quickly things change. The Big 12 found itself reeling with the loss of Texas A&M this year after Nebraska and CU jumped ship last year. The conference responded by adding TCU, which does make sense, but last week it was announced West Virginia would be joining the Big 12. Who in their right mind lumps Kansas, Kansas State, Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, Texas, Texas Tech, and...West Virginia together?

Today, Mizzou bailed for the greener pastures of the SEC. In light of this latest departure and with the severing of conference ties and Band-Aids that have been applied to stop the bleeding, I am left with only this thought: The Big 12 is dead.

RIP Big 12. I looked up to you as a conference during your glory years, but no longer.