Forbidden fruit?

WARNING!

This post deals with women and my impressions of many of those who I know locally. If you are of the female gender and I am friends with you, you may safely assume this post does not apply to you. Even so, if you are sensitive or easily offended, skip this post.

This is my blog and these are my thoughts. Deal with it.

Last night when I got home I sat in my car. I had a number of questions swirling around in my head and not only could I not answer any of them, I'm not sure I could make sense of any of them either.

I have a friend, Darren, who I enjoy spending time with. Darren's the rock-n-roll type with long hair and a voice that smokers often carry later in life. I don't think Darren smokes, at least not that much, but he did sing lead for a local band that often played the bar scene and I've always attributed his rusty voice to inhaling the second-hand smoke filled air in the rooms they would play. In any case, I enjoy hanging out with him. He thinks differently and makes me think differently because of that. I enjoy his friendship.

I love heavy rains. The bigger, the badder, the better! Last night, we had one of those rains where the street gutters couldn't handle the amount of rain that was dumped from the sky into the deserted streets. The rain would not let up. The water began to rise above the curbs and creep up the sidewalks. I had gone down to Aggieville to spend some time with Darren and watch a couple of local bands play. The two of us watched as three guys ran around in swim trunks and began doing "snow angels" in the streets. I think we both wanted to join them, but we just cheered them on instead.

I have been struggling with my view of women. Christian women to be more exact. When I attend church (to be fair, one church in particular), it is not uncommon to make eye-contact with someone I know and for them to turn theirs backs on me or to simply walk away. These are not women that I have been interested in, so it's more annoying than anything. But it does leave an impression. Am I that repulsive? Is this what Godly women think of me?--that they must turn their backs lest they be forced to say "hello"?

I enjoyed going out on the town when I was a firefighter. To be honest, I probably enjoyed going out a little too much. I still have a good time when I do, but look to other activities to fill the weekend. I guess I found such activities as being rather empty. But every once in a while I find myself going out with Darren. As I said earlier, I like the fact that he makes me think differently.

Last night, after an hour or so, the rain finally began to let up. Darren and I grabbed a table as we watched the opening band set the stage to their liking. Students, who had been waiting for the weather to present an oppotunity to step out, began to file in. Some of the students I knew, others I didn't.

One of those I didn't know was a girl that sat down with us. We recognized each other from one of the coffeehouses which made striking up a conversation rather easy. She grew up in another country and hoped to travel some day teaching English overseas. Did I mention she was cute? I would say she was interested as well and that stuck with me. Here I was, in a smoke-filled room listening to a bar band and finding myself interested in a girl I had more-or-less just met. The international perspective was something we shared, but that may have been it. She's in her early 20s, not a Believer, smokes, and has an 8 year old daughter and lives with a "partner". The last tid-bit should have ended it...but I was intrigued. She seemed real, authentic.

As I drove home, I realized I would not be seeing her again and I began to ask a number of questions. Am I interested in such women because I find Christian women to be a bore? I had seen someone else I had known who is dating one of the band members. Is she dating someone who's not a Christian because she finds Christian men to be a bore? Am I a bore? What is it that Christian women want?

And the larger, lingering question...what exactly is it that I want?